Shariff Charania....Jokes Page

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Fellow 1 : "Now my grandfather, he knew the exact day of the year that
he was going to die. It was the right year too. Not only that, but he
knew what time he would die that day, and he was right about that too."
Fellow 2 : "Wow, that's Incredible. How did he know all of that?"
Fellow 1 : "A judge told him."

It was the couple's 25th wedding anniversary.
The wife came in - and found her husband having an extremely emotional moment - even to the point of tears. Since he had never been one to express emotion she said 'Honey - I can't believe that you are so touched about our anniversary. You must really love me'. He replied, sobbing 'Look - before you get the wrong idea - let me explain. Do you remember that night when your father caught us down in the barn?
He said 'Either you marry my daughter - or you will spend the next 25 years in jail.' DO YOU REALIZE THAT TONIGHT - I COULD BE A FREE MAN?

Woman had a female parrot. Parrot kept saying, 'Hello, I am very horney. Do you want to have some fun?'
Woman was frantic. Went to pastor to find a solution to the problem.
Pastor said, 'Bring your bird to my house. I have two male parrots who read the bible and pray all the time. They will be a good influence on her.'
Woman brought the parrot and put her into the cage. She squawked, 'Hello, I am very horny. Do you want to have some fun?'
One male parrot looked at the other one and said, 'Put away the Bible, Fred, our prayers have been answered.'

A man came in to heaven and God wanted to go on a vacation so he asked the man to take over while he was away. God told the man to give everyone a test before letting them into heaven. God left and a man comes floating up and says "Please let me in to heaven." The other man says, "I have to give you a test first" The man coming into heaven says, "Oh jeez I'm not to good at tests!" The other man says "Spell LOVE" he man says "OK, L-O-V-E" Then he was let in to heaven. Then a woman came floating up and said "Please let me into heaven" The man said"Only if you pass this test" The woman said "Oh no, I'm not very good at tests" The man said "Your
test is to spell LOVE" The woman said "Oh OK, L-O-V-E" Then she was let in to heaven. The next person that came floating up was the man's wife. She said "Oh honey let me in to heaven" The man said "I have to give everyone a test before I let them in to heaven" She said "OK, make it an easy one!!!" Then the man said "Spell Czechoslovakia"

A blonde goes out to her mailbox, looks in, closes the door
and goes back into her house.
A few minutes later she comes out, goes to her mailbox,
looks in, closes the door and goes back into her house.

She repeats this process several times before a neighbor
who has been witnessing this series of events says to her;
"You must be expecting a very important letter or package today."

The blonde answers; "No, I'm working on my computer and it
keeps telling me that I have mail."

Salma came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his
morning tea and slapped him on the back of the head. "I
found a piece of paper in your pant pocket with the name
'Zarina' written on it," she said, furious. "You had better
have an explanation."
"Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when
I was at the horse track? That was the name of the horse I bet on."
The next morning, she snuck up on him and smacked him again.
"What was that for?" he complained.
"Your horse called last night."

Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner
with God. During dinner He told the three mortals:
"I invited you here because I need three important people to send my
message out to all people - Tomorrow I will destroy the earth"
After dinner, Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them:
"I have two very bad news items for you:
i. God really exists, and
ii. Tomorrow He will destroy the earth."
Clinton called an Emergency meeting of the Senate and Congress and told
them: "I have Good news and Bad News:
i. The good news is: God really does exist.
ii. The bad news is: tomorrow He's destroying the earth."
Bill Gates went back to Microsoft and happily announced: "I have two
fantastic announcements:
i. I am one of the three most important people on earth.
ii. The Year 2000 problem is solved."

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At
the end of the service the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when
they
accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket to find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for
ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same church
and at the end of the ceremony the pallbearers are again carrying out the
casket. As they are walking the husband cries out,

"WATCH OUT FOR THE WALL"

A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his fiftieth
birthday, so during this party he grabs the microphone and he announces to
his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool
with two great white sharks in it. 'I will give anything they desire of
mine, to the man who swims across that pool.'

So the party continues with no events in the pool, until SUDDENLY, there is
a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what
has happened.

In the pool is a man and he is swimming as hard as he can, and the fins come
out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going
and the sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and he gets
out of the pool, tired and soaked.

The millionaire grabs the microphone and says, 'I am a man of his word,
anything of mine I will give, my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything,
for you are the bravest man I have ever
seen. So sir what will it be?' the millionaire asks.

The guy grabs the microphone and says, 'Why don't we start with the name of
the idiot that pushed me in!'

Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At
the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three
engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the
three lawyers.

"Watch and you'll see," answers one of the engineers.

They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats but all
three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly
after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.
He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens
just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor
takes it and moves on.

The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the
conference, the lawyers decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and
save some money. When
they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To
their astonishment,
the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed lawyer.

"Watch and you'll see," says one of the engineers.

When they board the train, the three lawyers cram into a restroom and the
three engineers
cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of
the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the
lawyers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."... :)

HEAVEN IS WHEN YOU HAVE

AN AMERICAN SALARY
A BRITISH HOME
CHINESE FOOD
AN INDIAN WIFE

HELL IS WHEN YOU HAVE :
AN AMERICAN WIFE
BRITISH FOOD
CHINESE HOME
AN INDIAN SALARY

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He'd rented beautiful
office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into
the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up
the phone and started to pretend he had big deal working. He threw huge
figures around and ade giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the
visitor, "Can I help you?" The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone
lines."

Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif goes to Washington for a meeting with
Bill Clinton. After dinner, Bill says to Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif:
"Well Sharif , I don't know what you think of the members of your
Cabinet, but mine are all bright and brilliant."

"How do you know?" asks Sharif

"Oh well, it's simple", says Bill. "They all have to take special
tests before they can be a minister. Wait a second". He calls
Madeleine Albright over and says to her "Tell me Madeleine, who is
the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother
and is not your sister?"

"Ah, that's simple Mr. President", says Madeleine, "it is me!"

"Well done Madeleine", says Clinton and our Sharif is very
impressed.

He returns to Islamabad and wonders about the intelligence
of the members of his Cabinet. He calls in Sartaj Aziz and says:
"Sartaj Aziz , tell me, who is the child of your father and of your
mother who is not your brother and is not your sister? "

Sartaj Aziz thinks and thinks and doesn't know the answer. "Can I
think about it a bit further Mr. Prime Minister ? May I let you
know tomorrow? "

"Of course", says Sharif, "you've got 24 hours."

Sartaj Aziz goes away, thinks as hard as he can, calls in his Cabinet
Secretary, Chief Secretaries and Joint Secretaries, but no-one knows
the answer. Twenty hours later, Sartaj Aziz is very worried - still
no answer and only 4 hours to go. Eventually Sartaj Aziz says "I'll
ask George Fernandez, he's clever, he'll know the answer." He calls
Fernandez.

"George ", he says, "tell me who is the child of your father
and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?"

"Very simple", says George, "it's me!"

"Of course" says Sartaj Aziz and rings Sharif.
"Mr. Prime Minister ", says Sartaj Aziz , "I've got the answer: it's
George
Fernandez".

"No, you idiot", says Sharif, "it's Madeleine Albright".

I would appreciate any kind of contribution, so if you know any Good Joke, please email me on shariff_soldier@yahoo.com